Istikharah.

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim

Today, i was in dilemma..again.
To stay or to leave.
It came like two months ago, and it never left. i mean the dilemma.

So i thought, and everytime i stopped thinking, i would think again, and again. A decision is so important, it would manipulate a future. My future. Their future. And so after considering all circumstances, all conditions, i decided.

And so using the reasons as assurance, i texted him. This is called isti'zan.
And the reply;
"In your night prayers? Have you asked Allah?. If so, then do proceed".

thud. my heart fell. literally..
The reply was simple, but it hurt that much.
I thought i had considered everything.
I thought I've thought of all thoughts. no. forget about thoughts.
I decided like i knew everything. Like the future was mine to see. I was so sure that all circumstances had been considered.

But did i ever consider the condition called future? Was the situation called reality in my reasonings? no way. those are over your limits dude..

Thats it!! Limits!! Since when were we ever over our limits!!
no. forget being over.
Since when were WE limitless!??
never.

And that's when it triggered. a comprehension for this ignorance. for this pride. for this post. and for this repentance.

our sight, our smell, our hearing, our touch, our feeling, our thoughts. us. is all limited.

So to say that something as limited as us can consider ALL..is stupid. barely stupid.

Think about a boat, floating beyond the sea. Heading your way. You can't see it (derr..the earth is round,don't be so colombus), so how the heck do you know its gonna show up?
~Err..hello..that's why we have R-A-D-A-R signals..stoneman.
So using that signal. You are sure that its gonna show up?
~Signals so.
And if suddenly it sinks. without a reason. without a forecast. suddenly. Would you know?
~Of course no. that is an unpredicted incident. UNPREDICTED. no man could know
No man could know..

That's the thing. We have been too reliable on our abilities. Mens abilities, that we have forgotten the true power.

We step into the car, and turn on our GPS's.
We take medication, and follow the prescriptions.
We forecast rain, and bring our umbrellas.
We close our eyes, and think of tomorrow.

Yet again my dear friend.
Have we ever thought that actually, really, nothing is in the power of ours to plan, nothing is in the power of ours to foresee, to predict, to expect, to assure.
That all this power, all this control, can only be yielded by one power.
One that has no weakness..
that never started..
that never ended..
that ever sustains..
that never dies..

So there. we never had any reason as assurance. ever.
So now. never plan?
No.
Plan, but never assure.
Plan, and ask for assurance.
Every second.
And that's where istikharah comes

Because He plans all, sees all, knows all, hears all..
ALMIGHTY IS ALLAH . ASSURANCE IS ALLAH

p/s: if you thought i'd mention about mariage..then sorry mate, you're on the wrong page..istikharah isn't just about marriage!!

Ya Allah.For what i plan, i hope. For what i heed, i ask.
For You are the Almighty

Of time and its complexities.

Can $70.00 dollars buy a week??


Ya Allah.These weaknesses, strengthen me with them.

Incapable

This's gonna be brief, coz though everything's settled, i' ve actually assigned some house tasks for myself to be done, so im not gonna waste time thinking for what to write.

But there is this thing that i really want to share, it was picked up from a conversation with my mom.
She said;
Remember, Allah says in the Quran:

"Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity"

 

Now for what reasons this ayah was lined out to me is not to be shared, but what this ayah is about will be.
So as i started pondering on this verse, i came across some things people questioned. Things like;
Whatever the difficulties come on me, i have to bear it?
Because it was fated onto me?
Because though it is such a burden, it is within my capacity?
Can't run away from fate?

Now i know, everyone would have passed through a time when hale and storms brewed in their hearts, it is undeniable. Even if you look at the happiest man on earth (though i don't think one was ever elected), he would still have gone through hardships in life. It is unavoidable. The fitrah of us humans.

But the extent of the hardships? That is subjective. Some are tested with hardships their whole life, some for a day, some for months. But wherever there is hardship, there is always happiness that would come following. This sequence is actually a reminder. A reminder that Allah wants us to benefit this ease for good before it gets hard, as said by our beloved prophet pbuh:

"Take advantage of five before five: your life before your death, your health before your illness, your free time before becoming busy, your youth before your old age and your wealth before your poverty."

Sorry, but that was kinda out of topic, but if ur interested, ive already posted it once a time ago here.

Whatever the hardships are, no matter how hard you are tested, you would know that u are always capable of going through it. Or would i? Could i just keep saying its possible? That i'm fine? That i could go through it?

For example, something you worked on for years, ended with nothing. 

Can you just keep saying, 'owh its fine, im good.' Im sure you would be cryin your hearts out. YEARS paid for nothing. Nothing.

Now this is a test on you. 

Now this is within your capacity. 

Now this was fated on you.

WHAT? So why did i even start if it was gonna end like this? Fated? Isn't it too much? And if i just can't stand it, where does 'within you capacity' come in?

So what does 'la yukallifullaha nafsan illa wus'aha' really mean??

Now, now..be brief..i said it was gonna be brief, but somehow in tryin to build the atmosphere and understanding of the situation i bragged quite alot didn't i. So i apologise, and the answer will be brief.

There's two things i understood from this verse that would fade all doubts.

1) Fate is, to do it, and ask that Allah makes good out of it. If it turns out bad, then He knew it would turn out bad. If it went good, He knew too. Me? I just did it, because i didn't.

2) Within our capacity, is never what we thought was our capacity. We knew nothing about ourselves. Our capacities, capabilities, limits. He knew. Not us. Him. So if He says it is within capacity, then it sure is.

Just believe, because He knows us.

P/S: These tests, they make us stronger. We'll surely pass, if only we tried to see.

Ya Allah.Forgive me for my mistakes.Aid me with what I said.
For You are the Almighty

Of Mars, Cadbury, and Chocolate

Yesterday it was hot chocolate.
A couple of days ago it was a whole block of chocolate..(finished it in half an hour)
Last week three packs of Arnotts Chocolate Biscuits.
A couple of weeks ago, it was a couple bar of Mars, Snickers, and this brand which i forgot.

Yeah, so what??

I also wouldn't know the significance of me telling you this if it weren't for my mom, who, when i was Skyping (which i really hope one day becomes a verb like googling-'Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary' so that it doesn't have the red wiggly line under it) with her, noticed that i was eating a bar of chocolate.

Now before presumptions and assumptions are made, let me clear it out for you 'the history'.
I have a big family, and i'm the 3rd, which FYI is usually considered the last of the 'pioneers' in a family of 10.
And a pioneer has only one synonym. Sacrifice.
Well, there is the privilege and power to control the other successors (which i used very well), but mainly its the sacrifice. And one of the biggest sacrifices that me and my bigger brothers made was chocolate.
In shorter words, we ended up being unattracted to chocolate at such an early age. not at all.

So somehow, here, lots of years later, i'm eating chocolate, drinking chocolate, chewing chocolate..
i'm just not yet swimming in it (which i don't quite know how...not swimming...i mean in the chocolate).
And when i realised it, it suddenly came to me a truth.

The truth.

That humans have such a soft heart. The fact that we can try and try as hard as we want to shape it in one way, yet in the end, it can always flip around and turn into something else...
and not to forget also that no matter how screwed and fixed we think it is, there's always a way for it to be shaped.

So even if we think things like;
" I'll never be able to wake up at night, because i need 6 hours of sleep, and i'm not used to it."

" I just can't cry in my prayers, because i can't understand it."
" I'll never be able to read the Quran fluently because i was never taught well when i was a kid."

" I'll never be able to stop smoking, because i'm already addicted to it."

" I'll never be able to be good, because i've been so bad before."

Who said so??Us.We said it.We limited ourselves to all of this, and in the end never even tried.

Where as we forgot, that its not us who controls our hearts. its Him.

Because;

If we really need 6 hours of sleep, then sleep at 9, ur surely gonna wake up at 3.

If we really can't cry in prayers, then cry in our dua' when we do understand what we're saying.
If we really aren't fluent in reading the Quran, then try hear it.
If we really can't stop smoking, then stop buying them.
If we really can't do good, then just stop being bad, thats good enough isn't it?

Its always changeable.

Yet again don't forget that it also means if we think that we are good enough, constantly feeling strong and consistent..there always a chance of falling.

Thats why our beloved prophet teaches us this great dua';

As narrated by Ummu Salamah radhiyallahu ‘anha saying that the dua' that Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam would pray is,
“Yaa muqollibal qulub tsabbit qolbi ‘ala diinik ”
(meaning) "O Supreme Lord that tosses and turns hearts, strengthen my heart on your religion"
(Tirmidzi, Ahmad, Hakim, Shahih Dzahabi, refer Shahihul Jami’)

So if we keep trying, and praying that Allah aids us, we'll surely change it, we'll surely sustain it. it'll surely work.
Because believe me, everything is changeable. Go look around, there's proof anywhere.

like me and the chocolates..You'll surely find a way.

Ya Allah.Strengthen and sustain our hearts on this submission

A Murabbi

Now before i start, we've gotta do some arabic lessons.
Murabbi, means...er..why the hard work..if you just google translate..(as seem is now the current gig) would mean, raiser. And i think that definition will do.

So yesterday i called my mom.
I was complaining (as i always do everytime i call her).. about the problem i was having here. About how life was so lonely. Huh?? Lonely??
No..this isn't the physical lonely..
And surely NOT the emotional lonely..
I was lonely..spiritually..

Now if you get what i mean..then you would also understand..that when someone is to keep sustaining and strengthening oneself in this perfect way of life..he would need a few factors that could boost him to keep going..or should i just say to have istiqamah.
There'll have to be a syllabus that could be followed (so the process occurs gradually)
There'll have to be an atmosphere that could live up the process
And there HAS to be a Murabbi. A raiser. To help. To advise at times of hardships. To correct when wronged. To become a source of inspiration.

Back to the story.
So i was telling my mom that i had the syllabus, but how am i supposed to work on it if there was no atmosphere, and especially at the time when i have no murabbi??

She just smiled..(it was a video call, what do you expect??)
And said..Allah is always there. And isn't HE the BEST Murabbi??

I was dumbstruck. And then i realised the things, basic things that i have forgotten.
All this while, Allah was ALWAYS my murabbi.
HE raised me..gave me problems, and taught me to learn from it..
HE aided me when i needed it..
HE showed me this path..ensured i stayed on it..
HE was always helping even when i nagged and forgot..
And isn't Allah, THE source of inspiration??..Subhanallah..
And i could still ask, where HE was??

Its true, we do need human murabbi, but i forgot the main and premier one was Allah..
He was the One who raised Adam..
He was the One who greatly divided the oceans for Moses..
He was the One who lovingly aided our beloved prophet Muhammad SAW..

So now let us be Mus'ab bin Umair..
Who, when was separated with the Prophet to Madinah, had Allah the Almighty as his only Murabbi..and not only turned a whole city around, but also prepared the FIRST Muslim Federation..
MasyaAllah, and how did he succeed this??

Allah, the best murabbi, made it succeed..=)



 Ya Allah.You are my impetus.

Logitech X530

No.This is not a product review.
And no,I'm not promoting for Logitech.
(but if i get commission,i might..)

But today Allah taught me something with this:

So lets start with a story.
A month ago, i borrowed a friends speaker, i bet you can guess which model. And what happened was, as i returned it, the sub-woofer,(which for those who've never seen these things, is the largest rectangular black box out of the 6) could not function anymore. And so in realising that it could only have broken under my care, i took full responsibility for it.

And guess what, i tried fixing it myself. I know many of you would be assuming things got worse, but Alhamdulillah, i have a policy that when i open things up, i wouldn't touch anything as long i knew what they were, and in this case i knew nothing that was inside it. So i  screwed it back close, and decided to send it to a computer shop to be fixed. People were saying, that here in Australia, if you get something broken, don't fix it, coz it'll cost more than buying a new one. But i was determined, that it was just a minor problem, so i still sent it. And they asked for the whole set, or else they won't know where the problem was,so i gave them it.

Two weeks. I called and asked. They said it was sent back to the manufacturer to be fixed. I started feeling suspicious. The speakers were second hand, and i even had opened it myself, which meant the warranty was supposed to be expired. Were they lying to stall time??

Making it short, a month passes by, and this morning, i phoned the shop for the 7th time,questioning the progress of the speakers, and asking it to be returned (because my friend didn't care anymore if the woofers can't work and i was also full of suspicion that something bad had happened to it.). And suddenly he says:
"We've got you a new one"
And i was like:
"What??!! I never told you to buy a new one, isn't there a customer policy stating that any decisions must be referred to the customer??!!"
I was frustrated. They're not supposed to do that. I can't afford to pay for a new one. I'm really on a budget this month, i traveled alot and the costs were quiet high. He then told me to come over and take it.
My head was boiling. I told my housemate and i started unleashing the dissatisfaction. The anger was building up. I got prepared, googled the Australian Consumer Policies. Thinking about contacting my law friend.

Finally, when everything was clotted into this huge rage, i took a shower and suddenly remembered my moms reminders,
"Make an opportunity to pray dhuha everyday, no matter what happens."
And i began questioning myself, this is no reason for me to miss it.
So i took a wudhu and prayed, and all the rage was gone. You know, that after the dhuha, there's this prayer that asks Allah;
"if all the ni'mat in this world is hard to achieve, then i pray that you make it easy, because it is you who controls all."
So i added,
"if this is a test for me, then i accept it. maybe i have been misspending it, or misusing it. please make it easy."

So in the end, when i got to the shop (yeah, with the money and all), i made my best face and met him. And subhanallah, alhamdulillah, he said:
"Actually the manufacturer replaced the speaker with a new one, for free. They considered redeemable. So all you have to pay for is the postage fee. That's 20 dollars."

Alhamdulillah.


 Ya Allah.Forgive me for my mistakes.Aid me with what I said.
For You are the Almighty

I'm the boss. So now listen.

In his name, I begin 

Today something triggered in me, not some unleashed force like the jedi or Jinchuuriki force..but a certain strength that i've long lost. The strength to control.
Today i learnt back the lesson i forgot. That in becoming a muslim, it is you who gives the orders, it is you controls.

And alhamdulillah, today i implemented it.
Every morning, i forced myself to do it.
Every time i saw the Quran, i forced myself to read it.
Every day at 10.30, i forced myself to pray dhuha.
Every time i hear the azan, i forced myself to the masjid.
Every time after prayers, i forced myself to pray ba'diah.

Because I know.
If i waited, for the proper time, the proper mood, the proper intentions..
It would never come, and in the end i would just not do it.
And still wait..and wait..and wait..

Ikhlas??

Hey, ikhlas wouldn't exist if there was no enforcement. And Allah knows what plays in my heart..more than you do, even more than i do.

So be the boss of your heart.
And NEVER wait.
Coz believe me, the word waiting never ends.

For each (such person) there are (angels) in succession, before and behind him: They guard him by command of Allah. Verily never will Allah change the condition of a people until they change it themselves (with their own souls). But when (once) Allah willeth a people's punishment, there can be no turning it back, nor will they find, besides Him, any to protect.

Ar-Ra'adu 13:11

Ya Allah.Forgive me for my mistakes.Aid me with what I said.
For You are the Almighty

Ya Allah I plead..

something's missing in my heart..something that i once held firm, something that i loved, something that i'm needing so much now..
as he promised, He will always be there

Ya Allah.Forgive me for my mistakes.Aid me with what I said.
For You are the Almighty

There...there..

Notice how man can see man as an angel.

• that when one man mistakes, the other condemns, forgetting the fact that what was done may not be the best thing.may even be a thing done out of awareness.a wrongness. As said by the beloved prophet, "Each and every sons(descendants) of Adam shall do wrong. And the best wrongdoer is who repents"
•  that when one man influences, the other blindly follows, hearing to his words as if everything was right. forgetting the fact that deep inside each man is a dark creature, burnt thrice before bowing to The Creator. 

But then,
Notice how man can see man as a devil.

• that when one man does good, the other condemns, throwing rediculous accusations towards his sincerity, building up teams of hatred to reflect every action he does.
•  that when one man influences, the other blindly ignores, forever stuffing the cold shoulder into his face, neglecting everything, not even a single word.closing all functionable receivers,even the heart. "Say, [O Muhammad], "I do not tell you that I have the depositories [containing the provision] of Allah or that I know the unseen, nor do I tell you that I am an angel. I only follow what is revealed to me." Say, "Is the blind equivalent to the seeing? Then will you not give thought?"(Al-Anaam : 50)

So??
So stop seeing men as angels, stop seeing men as devils. Se a man as a man.
And see what he does, hear what he speaks, understand what he delivers, as a man. Forget who he is, where he's been, what he does, and how he speaks.
And with that you'll  see, if it is what Allah wants, what Rasulullah admits, its true.
But if it is what Allah forbade, what Rasulullah warns, its just a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.



Ya Allah.Forgive me for my mistakes.Aid me with what I said.
For You are the Almighty

This Silence

I know...its long..no2, too long..since i posted something. and if u understand this post, you'll somehow understand why.
today im gonna discuss the characteristics of a tide...no i'm no civil engineer..or a man who's interested in collecting renewable source of energy (tidal energy, like the one in France)..but the thing that makes tides and ourselves similar is that it has its ups and downs...its strong and weak..
i mean..sometimes we can be so powerful, that even the hardest obstacle would be like a pebble on the road, if not crushed, easily kicked out of the way..
but then at other times we can be so feeble, that even the slightest problem would make us crumble down and fail..
again..i am not promoting a regular gym routine..because this certain strength matters much more than the physical strength. Its about something inside..
But its okay..alhamdulillah, its now okay..i was just needing a little
time..a lot of effort..and a short silence..
and of course..strength from non other than Him..Alhamdulillah..

Decree what you desire to decree..

Today as i was reading the 16th Juz...(Yeah i know, quite left behind..since today is already the 20th. been too busy with other useless things.) i came across the story of Musa (Moses) and his confrontation with the pharaoh.
In suurah Ta Ha (20)..Allah tells us of the story when Musa met the pharaoh and as the pharaoh claims that Musa is a wizard, he challenges Musa to a match..

Now, I'll skip the story of how they both agreed and what happened on the day.
Because my real point would be what was told in this verse;

65.	They said:"O Mûsa (Moses)! Either you throw first or we be the first to throw?"
66.	[Mûsa (Moses)] said: "Nay, throw you (first)!" Then behold, their ropes and their sticks, by their magic, appeared to him as though they moved fast.
67.	So Mûsa (Moses) conceived fear in himself.
68.	We (Allâh) said: "Fear not! Surely, you will have the upper hand.
69.	"And throw that which is in your right hand! It will swallow up that which they have made. That which they have made is only a magician's trick, and the magician will never be successful, to whatever amount (of skill) he may attain."
70.	So the magicians fell down prostrate. They said: "We believe in the Lord of Hârûn (Aaron) and Mûsa (Moses)."
71.	[Fir'aun (Pharaoh)] said: "Believe you in him [Mûsa (Moses)] before I give you permission? Verily! he is your chief who has taught you magic. So I will surely cut off your hands and feet on opposite sides, and I will surely crucify you on the trunks of date-palms, and you shall surely know which of us [I (Fir'aun Pharaoh) or the Lord of Mûsa (Moses) (Allâh)] can give the severe and more lasting torment."
72.	They said: "We prefer you not over what have come to us, of the clear signs And to Him (Allâh) Who created us. So decree whatever you desire to decree, for you can only decree (regarding) this life of the world.
73.	"Verily! We have believed in our Lord, that He may forgive us our faults, and the magic to which you did compel us. And Allâh is better as regards reward in comparison to your [Fir'aun's (Pharaoh)] reward, and more lasting (as regards punishment in comparison to your punishment)."
74.	Verily! whoever comes to his Lord as a Mujrim (criminal, polytheist, disbeliever in the Oneness of Allâh and His Messengers), then surely, for him is Hell, wherein he will neither die nor live
75.	But whoever comes to Him (Allâh) as a believer (in the Oneness of Allâh), and has done righteous good deeds, for such are the high ranks (in the Hereafter),—
76.	'Adn (Eden) Paradise (everlasting Gardens), under which rivers flow, wherein they will abide forever: such is the reward of those who purify themselves (by abstaining from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which Allâh has forbidden and by doing all that which Allâh has ordained).

Subhanallah, as i came across the 72nd verse, i couldn't hold my tears. These sorcerers, who so denied the existence of Allah the Almighty, could suddenly prostrate and submit their selves to such an extent!!
And as the pharaoh threatened them... what did they say??

"..decree whatever you desire to decree, for you can only decree this life of the world.."

Allahuakbar. Such Belief. And there Allah promises them the beautiful 'Adn. The question is, what made them so strong? A stick that turned to snake? Oh, come on...they've turned ropes into snakes many times..
Think about it.
On the day of the match, everyone saw the stick turn into a snake. Everyone saw it swallow the fakes. But how could these sorcerers believe to such a level??

It was the openness of their hearts.
because you see, only sorcerers know what magic is, and in seeing what Musa did, they realised that no power is capable of allowing such to happen other that the power of Allah!!

How about us, you, i, or whoever lives in this world?? I'm gonna be an engineer, you're gonna be a programmer, or doctor, or teacher, or psychologist, or whatever else..but then in seeing the Greatness of Allah in managing this life, the world, the sky, the sees, and every single activity of even the smallest bacteria to the most complex galaxy..have we ever fell down, prostrating ourselves to THIS utter POWER??
HAVE WE EVER??

Jo hai sama kal ho naa ho..

Afwan

Some questions unanswered...
Some messages unreplied...
Some apologies needed...

afwan,,i'm sorry,,
for time ties men with unbearable responsibilities...
but i shall cope. insyaAllah.

Thome Sings to ponder..

Brains gone a bit dizzy...i really should stop this habit of analysing humans and predicting their next move..
One of the things that weaken us is 'Ujub', and 'ujub only comes when you predict and compare others with yourself..

and in the end you come out with..
"im better than her"
or
"im better than him"

Must stop comparing..

Alhamdulillah

Has it ever occurred to you a time that you regret so many things in life, knowing and believing that if only there was another chance, you would ask that it was different, that it wasn't the way it now is..

Has it ever occurred in you an urge to ask for something better, for something more..

Has it ever crossed your mind a feeling of dissatisfaction as you see yourself in the mirror, gazing at your failures, your smashed hopes, your forgotten dreams..

Well, if you think you answered no for each of these questions stated above..then just stop reading, coz what i'm about to say would mean nothing to you.

You see, I'm a human. And I also have been through these conditions. I seriously understand how hopeless it felt...

But one day, as I was so depressed..I began looking for solutions..and this is what i ended up with..

Maybe I am not that clever..but I have a brain..and it could still think..Alhamdulillah..
Maybe I am not strong..but I have a body..hands and feet..and it could still move..Alhamdulillah..
Maybe I am not perfect..but I still could do things others can't..and I am proud of it..Alhamdulillah..


So are there things that I missed? Things that I failed? Of course there are!! 
But there much much more things that I still have. And I can't even say its enough..because He'll still keep giving and I'll still be needing it..

So its just...Alhamdulillah..

At BMI

Alhamdulillah..all was safe..but somethings in the journey went out of hands..
Missed Jalan Duta, got lost in Klang..
Did a few unneeded sightseeing at Pasar Seni..
But Alhamdulillah.I'm now at BMI..

Khamsan Qabla Khamsin

Praying Isya' at the Datuk Keramat Musholla made me realise two things.

1. That the majority of the makmum..and of course plus the imam were elders. I mean really elders. So I started thinking..is the population by age an inverse triangle? I mean, are there more fifty plus2 aged men in this country than twenty plus2? Answer yourself, because the musholla seemed to prove that.

2. That actually being old is not that easy. I mean yeah, i know its hard...with the health problems and everything. But as I prayed ba'adiah, i couldn't help notice the man in front of me lethargically rising for his second rakaat. I apologise if this is considered as an insult, but generally speaking he was old and cranky. And in seeing this, I finally realised what Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam meant by your youth before your old age in this hadith:

"Ightanim khamsan qabla khamsin: hayaataka qabla mautika, wa sihhataka qabla saqamika, wa faraaghaka qabla shughulika, wa shabaabaka qabla haramika wa ghinaaka qabla faqrika.""Take advantage of five before five: your life before your death, your health before your illness, your free time before becoming busy, your youth before your old age and your wealth before your poverty."

All this while  i didn't realise the fact that if by His means, each and everyone of us will individually grow old. And by that time everything we have now would be gone. Our strength, our spirits, our dreams, our abilities..all gone..engulfed by age. So would we wait. Wait till the age comes, when at that time we are sure of death around the corner. And only then we would struggle to repent, to do 'amal, to seek jannah..and without strength, without dreams, without energy..would it be that easy? Think for yourself while you still can.

So ightanim!!
Ightanim shabaabaka qabla haramik!!

Some words to think about

When once asked by a journalist to introduce himself, he said:


I am a traveller seeking the Truth, a human searching for the meaning of humanity, and a citizen seeking dignity, freedom, stability and welfare under the shade of Islam. I am a free man who is aware of the purpose of his existence and who proclaims;"Truly, my prayer and my sacrifice, my life and my death, are all for Allah, the Cherisher of the worlds; no partner has He. This I am commanded and I am among those who submit to His Will."This is who I am. Who are you?

Hassan Al-Banna

Yeah, I know. I posted this on my wall, yet again I posted it here.
But seriously, who cares? The more I read it, the more I realise my purpose..

Finally..

Alhamdulillah, I'm now finally back in Perlis. Settled down and ready  to begin my story..
This one's gonna be long, so if you have time..Please continue reading.

This story is about what happened in these last thirty days, what I did and where I was. Also the perfect alibi for my long no-posting days..
It all started on the 4th of June. Well it actually began long b4 that, (the planning, organising and paperworks) but mainly it was on the 4th that the program actually started. The program is called TAMU. A short form for Tamrin and Mukhayyam (simply defined as indoor and outdoor). A program done for kids 8-12. This year it was the 7th time done and the theme was Smart Solat, Smart Hayat. Generally pointing out that a person who knows how to practice a perfect prayer will achieve a smart life.
If you wanna know more about this program, you can read here. She's one of the hardworking facilitators at TAMU (sorry, i'll pay for it if you want to..)
I actually don't have much time, and if I shared what I went through in organising this program..it would be a bit emotional and sad, bcoz I slept late every night and bcoz what happened backstage was much much more tiring and mind blowing than seen. So as proof that it was actually fun, I imported it.
But who cares, bcoz the thing is,  I learnt much more things about planning, about knowing, about love. Bcoz when you tell others to do things, you surely will be tested with what you say. So this program not only taught the kids about prayers, it also taught me that khusyu' is a part of yourself that if Allah is not the highest in your heart, as your love, then it is impossible to achieve. And removing other loves; with its beauty, its comfort and its sweetness from this heart other than to Allah, is really hard. Too hard to be put into words. So the solution that I found in the tiredness and exhaustion from the program was, if we love Allah deeply enough, He will aid us in dispatching this hubbudunia away. InsyaAllah.

So after packing things up, on the evening of the 7th of June, the exact date TAMU ended, me and my brothers took off to KL. They were on practical. We arrived there 2am on the 8th. Then I took a coach to Shah Alam to join a Mukhayyam MISI (Mukhayyam Siswa Siswi). Now b4 I talk about this mukhayyam, I just wanna remind fellow readers that a commuter going to Shah Alam at 6.50pm, would be like a tin of sardines. Alhamdulillah, introducing a specific coach only for women helped a lot.

The Mukhayyam was fun and I got a lot of input from it, because sometimes when you are with other brothers, things come in a different way. I learnt how to cook chicken soup, pekasam and some veggie soup. But I think I can only remember the chicken soup, because after that I did a lot more watching and tasting than actually participating..ha2.

Then on the morning of the 11th, I took a coach back to KL, got busy helping my aunt prepare for her Thanksgiving Gathering (Kenduri Kesyukuran..ha2) the next day. It was all a family work. We did everything on our own. So on the day itself, I was a waiter, in charge of refilling the rice. I met an American man. Muslim. We had a long chat about the difference between the productivity of electrical engineering research in Malaysia and America. He made me realise that whoever controls the world has control over the highest technology, because their researches are military based, and the funding is limitless. So if i'm really interested to go into research, I should work at  US, which is impossible..ha2.

Exactly at 6.35pm, my brother sent me to the (IIM) Institut Integriti Malaysia's office at Jalan Duta. I slept at 3.30am, to help with the last touches and preparation for the CSR Rebung program. Then the next day (13th) at 10am, we went to MRSM Felda Trolak, by IIM bus. To make things short, what I saw, experienced and learnt was that integrity is actually unneeded. Bcoz if you practise Islam perfectly, you can see that Ihsan, That you worship Allah as if you see Him, for if you don't see Him then truly He sees you

teaches us exactly about integrity. I also realised there that one can work for days and night without rest, exhaust himself, and do everything for the sake of making something happen. And in the end, he would actually obtain nothing except satisfactory. Which will give? Nothing. But if ones exhaustion and work is lined out on the road of Lillahita'ala, whether he achieves in making that certain thing happen or not doesn't matter, bcoz what Allah sees is his work, not his result. Subhanallah..
On the 19th, I came back to KL. The 20th went to an important launching. 21st took a bus back to Perlis. And now I'm here.
Conclusion: I just hope, really hope and pray that every drop of energy I used was for Him. And only for Him.

PS: I was a camp commander for TAMU, participant for MISI, and sekretariat for CSR.
PPS: Told you it was gonna be long.

I'm Sorry..

Sincerely..I'm regretting about many things tonight..knowing I should apologise to many..for every unpredictables that i've done.
Mainly to Allah, for my sins..

“And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins,- and who can forgive sins except Allah.- and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done."

Al-Imran 135

P/S: I'm also sorry for this long break, these last days have been very packed..REALLY packed.