This Emptiness

" Our Lord, condemn us not if we forget or fall to error"

First things first, I think it would be most appropriate for me to line out here that these coming sentences are merely an opinion of mine, an individual who lacks much knowledge and understanding..so please judge freely based on your understanding and if by any chance u have a personal opinion, sharing is much obliged.
Ya Allah guide me always..

Has it ever occurred to you an emptiness in your heart, a feeling of thirst for something that you can never explain. A loneliness that would make you cry, shout and suffer for nothing..and in the end you would even turn to humans to relieve this pain, but insyaAllah I will explain this somewhere else.
The truth is, you're not the only one. NONE of us can always feel peace in our hearts, because as long as we're human, we can never run from this fact.

Infact, there were times when I felt so far from Allah, that as I prayed, I felt so lonely. As I asked, it was as if no one was there to answer me..
So one day i said

"Whats the use of praying and doing 'amal in a condition of feeling so far from Allah, when I'm feeling so weak?"

And so I waited, and I waited. For days and nights I prayed, but my prayers were just programmed routines, and sincerely I felt nothing. I stopped reading the Quran, I seldomly went to the musholla, and I tried so hard to fill my heart by watching movies and sleeping..and I felt nothing..

But Alhamdulillah, as I was suffering in such agony I came across this verse;

Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron.

[Ar Ra'adu: 11]

And it finally hit me..
All this while, it was my problem..not His..
I had closed my heart to all the things that he had shown...but still kept waiting for Him to knock the door..How ignorant, how stupid!
And that night, as I prayed, I tried my best to see Him there..
Watching me..
Though I admit at first it was just the same..nothing
But as I tried again, and again, I realised that my heart was locked so tight that as I prized it open..
Allah was always there..waiting..and as a step I took towards Him..
So close He came to me..so near..
Alhamdulillah
So easy was it..yet so hard to see..

Conclusion is, us, our hearts, are like windows. If we keep forgetting to oil the hinges, it would be so hard to open. So, some oil, and a little effort would make our hearts much brighter when things turn dark or stuffy..
Keep doing 'amal..
Force yourself to pray in every second of every day..
Force those tears out in every way you can..
Wake up at night to be alone..
And speak to Him, tell Him, ask Him, cry to Him..
And InsyaAllah you'll find a Way

As stated by the great Imam As-Syafi'e;

"Iman (Belief) rises in tha'ah (obey)and drops in ma'siyyah"

No, I'm not telling you that I have now found the sakinah..because believe me, you'll come across this problem again..maybe tomorrow, or the day after that..

But I'm telling you if you try hard enough, and avoid ma'siyyah and sins, you'll find your solution and you'll know how to solve it everytime..

Just remember..

The stronger you become..The harder your test will be..keep praying and get time to understand the meaning of your life..the reason to live as a muslim.

p/s: Thanks for the Question..had me thinking about my heart and where He was in it for 3 days and 2 nights (3 plus tonight)..and it helped alot..thanks.