To turn back and see

"I dunno, but somehow matters have lately come out of hand. I've been seeing many useless things, done many regretful actions and  waited too long for guidance..please help me.."

Every once and again, one must always turn back to see what one has done. If it is to be regretted, then regret it one must. If it is to be continued, then sustain and persevere it.

And so today, this post is about all that. Because today i found out that its been too long...really too long since i look backed.
Looked back at what??

My blog?
Yeah, its true, maybe lately i have been posting because of others, being happy that there are more followers, making my posts as interesting as it could, so that more are interested??
Yeah, maybe i have been too obsessed about it, ushering others to read it, making it as if it was the reason i made it, being proud when others commented, gleaming when people speak of it.
Yeah, maybe the word ikhlas has long not been questioned, because the word 'ujub has long taken control...

My heart?
Its true, maybe i have been giving it to others, showing affection to others, just too much, i put it in too many places, gave it to too many occupations, whereas to return it, to submit it, to bow it in front of You...i've totally forgotten...
Its true, i have been trying to attract others, making things or speaking of useless matters, with other intentions, just so that i could get more attention?
And and then i still could keep bragging about not getting Your love??

My prayers?
Though i pray five times a day..i keep telling myself it's enough, that i needn't do too much..but i forget, since when was Your blessings to me ever enough, since when did You ever stop..
Though i keep saying, my prayers, my ibadah, my life and my death are all for You,
Though i repeat so many times, that to You only i submit and to You only i ask for aid,
Though in every prostration i praise, that You are the highest and that there are non higher than You,
And though so many times,
Though so many times...
I still forget. And with every salam, it all ends. It is all over...
You are no more the one highest in my heart..
You are no more the place i submit, the One i ask for Aid..
You are no more the reason i live, the reason i would die..

So now i'm coming back to see..what i left behind..
And what i see is you, always there waiting for me..

Ya Allah, maybe i forgot who You are, maybe i forgot who i am. 

For these...are my words of regret. 

For these...are my words of repent. 

Ya Allah, Remind me, Forgive me, Bless me, Love me,